The Mask

8 09 2012

Most of us wear a mask. It’s not visible to the rest of the world and only we know about this mask. It’s the only thing others ever see though. We all mask who we truly are because we’re afraid of what other people will think of the person behind the mask. Everyone says that being yourself is the most important thing in the world but no one does what they say. So what’s the whole point of saying it to start with?

We continue to hid behind this mask though because we are afraid. Afraid of what others think of us. Afraid of what people will say and do behind our backs. I’d even go so far as to say we are afraid of who we truly are. For example, no one wants to admit to being a homosexual because then people will think something’s wrong with you. No one wants to admit to being bullied because then they seem like a tattle tale. No one wants to admit having a criminal record because then they’ll be judged according to their past mistake. There are about a billion other things we don’t want to admit so we hide them all behind our mask. And we try to act like the perfect person other already know us to be.

What happened to being who we are though? To being perfect just the way we are? We should all be able to express ourselves freely without getting criticized. We should be able to tell the world all of our deepest darkest secrets and feel safe and accepted doing so. No one should feel like they need to change a part of themselves or hide a part of themselves to fit in. We are all unique and special and our mistakes and experiences make us that. Using a mask to change who we are just doesn’t make sense because who we are just isn’t supposed to be masked.

So I want to encourage everyone today. Take off the mask for one day and show someone who you truly are. Maybe you’ll find that without the mask, you can just be…well you, for once.



Just a Random Thought

7 09 2012


I was browsing the internet the other day and I came upon this picture. I know I just had to write something about this, not only because I’m a freshman this year but also because I know that this pictures reveals the ugly truth behind freshman year.

I don’t know about anyone else but all that crap we get about getting ourselves out there to meet people is just a big pile of bull. Just saying that putting yourself out there will get you lots of friends isn’t true. People are judgemental. It’s the ugly truth. If you see someone across the room sitting there by themselves, there would be no way that you would go up to them to introduce yourselves and say hi. You’d think that they person is a complete loner/psychopath/weirdo and you’d tell all your friends to look at the person who is sitting there by themselves.

That’s what it’s like right now. I’ve been observing people in the cafeteria for days and there are about a dozen people all the time who are sitting there by themselves. No one to talk to. No one to eat lunch with. And then there are the groups of friends who always sit together and never invite anyone to join them. We’re all freshman. We all need to meet new people and I know there are lots of people who are trying so hard. They put themselves out there over and over again and each time it doesn’t work, they retreat a little back into their shells until at one point, they stop trying altogether.

If we would all just try and include one another, no one in this world would feel left out. If we just remember someone’s name and call them over to sit down and eat breakfast, no one would be sitting alone. If we encouraged them to join in the teams/sports/events (no matter how bad they say they are) everyone would have fun in freshman year.

But we don’t. And not everyone has fun during their freshman year. Not everyone.

6 09 2012

It’s been a couple of days since my last post and honestly…I’m finding that frosh week is actually pretty fun!

It took me a little while to figure out what FROSH week was but apparently it’s the week where the first-year university students spend every night partying….or at least that’s what we’re doing at my university.

I’m not usually a party person so I only attended a few of the night events but I like the day-time events and it’s actually a great way to meet the people who I’m going to be going to class with. It took me a little while to get out of my shy girl shell. Once I did put myself out there though, the people on my floor became some of the nicest and most incredible people I’ve ever met.

I still have those moments though…the ones where I wish I was home and my parents were making dinner in the kitchen upstairs. I think it’s just that familiar feeling that I miss. To be honest, I think about the “what if” a lot. What if I had gotten into the university close to my home? What if I didn’t have to move half-way across the country for school and leave my entire family behind? What if? What if?

But I know it’s no use. The “what if” question is like an unsolvable puzzle. It’s called unsolvable for a reason because there is no ending. It’s the same with a “what if” question. No matter how much you think about it, it’s still going to be a “what if”. There’s no way you can go back in time and make different decisions just to see what would happen. Then maybe you would want yet another different scenario and the “what ifs” would start all over again. It’s a never ending cycle.

For me right now, the most important thing is to accept the decisions that I’ve made and go along with whatever happens. If it happens, it happens right? Enough with thinking about the past because it’s time to embrace the present and hope for the best possible future.

Besides, I think I’ve made a great choice in universities 🙂

Thanks for listening to my endless ramblings

Roller Coaster

5 09 2012


It’s been a crazy roller coaster ride of a couple of days. The residence I’m staying in at my university is absolutely beautiful! It’s got these crazy skinny squirrels and a couple of animals that I haven’t been able to identify yet. I’m sitting in the air-conditioned cafeteria right now by the window and I’m looking around at the people who I’m going to be living with and eating with for the next eight months. It’s incredible actually. There are so many people here it feels like you’re in a different school every day!

University life is quite the change from high school life for me. Back in my home town, I had my parents, my siblings, and my whole family supporting me. Here, I have to support myself and it already feels like I’ve been away from home for a month. The freedom is incredible, but along with it come the loneliness of being absolutely and completely by yourself. Sure you have other people around you but not even your best friend compares to those who are related by blood and genetically programmed to love you.

I haven’t had a room mate since…well…for a long time. And it is actually really cool! There’s someone at night that I can talk to, someone who I can get breakfast with and who will listen to my endless ramblings about my home town. I have actually been emailing her since the beginning of the summer so by the time I got here, I knew a lot about her already. Her parents even invited me over for Thanksgiving (since she doesn’t live too far from the school). She’s super nice and I think I’ll call her Candy. Because she’s nice and sweet like candy.

Oh…and an update on Brad and Abby (If you haven’t noticed already, I’m just going by the alphabet for the names of the people in my life. It’s not their actual names because I’m not going to ever use their real names in case any of them decide to read this).

Brad and Abby are dating (unofficially) now. He asked her out, she said yes, they went out and had a great time, and he told her he really like her and had started to like her since they started to work together. That’s the just of it anyways. I got more details (which I really REALLY didn’t need). I didn’t have the heart to tell Abby (who is still my best friend in the whole entire world) that I really liked Brad and had hoped he would ask me out. If I had told Abby, she would’ve never dated him and we would be three miserable people instead of one. So I will take this secret with me to the grave and offer to plan their wedding (which I actually did).

Anyways Brad is just a guy. Sure he was cute and smart and we really connected but I’m sure that out of the thousands of first-year students here at my university, I’ll find one who will be better than him. Looking around right now, I already see a few 😉

Nervous Eating

29 08 2012


I don’t know if anyone has ever experienced the nervousness of going off to university but if you have, then you know exactly how I feel right now. There’s less than 12 hours till I fly off to a brand new city to go to school. When I’m there, I’ll have to take care of myself, feed myself, and find a job to support myself. Fantastic.

I’m nervous and I’m not afraid to admit it. When I get nervous though, I get HUNGRY. I mean I don’t eat fruits or snacks or anything like that. When I start nervous eating, I like dessert. Apple pie, Chocolate cake, and Ice cream are among the various desserts who fall victim to my hunger when I get nervous. Trust me! Nothing’s wrong with me other than the fact that when my nerves kick in, I tend to crave sweet things with lots of fat and sugar.

Which is why when this new Juicy Fruit Desserts Gum came out, I was ecstatic! Every piece is only about 5 calories (give or take) and I get the long lasting sweetness and flavour of a dessert (my favourite is the Orange Cream Pop) without all the added fat. It’s like the best of both worlds!

Now that’s we’re done with the Miley Cyrus impressions, just one final word. If you’re like me and you like to eat sweet things when you get nervous, try the gum or better yet, stop being nervous!

“B” Grade

29 08 2012

I recently went to a converse outlet store and bought a pair of converse. I didn’t notice it at first but when I brought them home, there was a giant “B” sticker on the box. Curious to know what it meant, I browsed the net and found out that “B” Grade converse have “something aesthetically wrong” with them. I proceeded to look over my own converse but saw absolutely nothing wrong. They were just a normal pair of converse.

I started thinking about why we label things the way we see them. I mean I saw nothing wrong with my new pair of shoes and yet someone somewhere deemed them to be “not good enough” and gave them a “B” grade. What makes them not good enough? In fact, what sets the standard for good enough?

But I guess that’s sometimes the million dollar question. When is something good enough? Who (or what) sets those standards? And why do we follow them? If you ask me, I’d say a pair of shoes is good as long as they’re comfortable and the person wearing them is happy.

And it goes for everything in the world as well. As long as you’re happy, it doesn’t matter what other people think. And I can say that through experience because I’ve met so many people who make their life decisions based on what other people think, say, or do. For example, I had a friend who once missed his little sister’s birthday party just because his friends wanted to hang out at the mall on the same day. Don’t get me wrong, he loves his sister but when he tried to tell his friends it was his sister’s birthday, they teased him about always hanging out with his family and told him to come to the mall with them.

What’s wrong with hanging out with family? I mean I love mine and I know that they’ll miss me so much when I head off to university (by the way, about 34 hours till I head off to uni!). Hanging out with family doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for your friends. It just means you’re a kind and caring person and you actually like your family and are willing to spend time with them.

So I guess the motto of the post is “Don’t let anyone or anything determine whether you’re “B” grade, “A” grade, or any other letter grade out there.”

Just be your own grade 🙂

A Whole Bunch of Nothings

28 08 2012

I’m still not very sure why I’m writing this blog when I have absolutely no idea if anyone will be reading this at all. But I am…and I hope someone somewhere in this word takes the time to skim through what I have dubbed as my new life blog.

It’s more like an online diary where I can rant about all the things I hate about my life….but life blog sounds better 🙂

So today my bestie and I were texting and she (let’s just call her Abby) tells me that this guy (who we will name Brad) came by her house, gave her something and then asked her out. I should be happy right?

Well not exactly.

See Abby and I both know this guy. We met him at a group interview for a job…a job which Brad and Abby eventually both got. I did not get this so called job (but I am perfectly cool with it…sorta). During the interview, this guy and I really sparked. You know? Hit it off? But when Abby got the job, she and this guy grew really close (because they worked together every single freaking day) and now he’s asking her out. And he went all the way over to her house to do it.

And I’m suppose to be happy right?

Well…I’m not sure if this is the right feeling but it’s something along the border of happiness, envy, and jealousy. I can’t help but think that maybe if I had gotten the job then would I be the one being asked out?

Well probably not…but you get the idea right?

After that, the summer didn’t go so well for me. Basically…nothing happened. No job. No boyfriend. No money. No vacations. Nothing. Nada. Nil.

And now, it’s officially 59 hours and 25 minutes till I leave the city that I grew up in and move to a complete different city on the other side of the country to attend university where I’ll ba a billion miles from my family. And I have packed nothing.

So how was your summer? Because mine was basically a whole bunch of nothings.