Don’t Worry Be Happy

22 09 2012

I’m sitting in my dorm room right now and the sun is shining outside. The wind is blowing and the branches seem to sway to the beat of the music that I’m listen to at the moment. I’m not really sure why but I’m really happy today. Not like a crazy happy but a calming happy. Maybe it’s just the music (since I’m listening to “Don’t Worry Be Happy” by Bob Marley”) but I think it’s more than that. 

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on a couple of things these past couple of things. First of all Brad and Abby aren’t on good terms. Abby texted me yesterday, complaining about how Brad hasn’t texted her in DAYS. As I watched text message after text message appear on my phone, all complaining about him, I wasn’t bitter any more. In fact, I’d probably go as far to say I didn’t really care.

Not that I don’t love Abby but I think I have better things to do with my time. Sure I’ll listen to her rant but I’m not going to spend any more time thinking about how I might’ve been better with Brad or how I hate them both for getting the job I wanted. I just realised one morning that I’m about three thousand miles from where they are and it doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t go back in time to change the past. So it doesn’t really matter any more.

Another thing that I seem to have cleared up is how unhappy I must’ve been before I came to university. In high school, I thought I was happy but I realise now that I was just dealing with the things I had to deal with. I wasn’t really happy until I came here and realised just what real happiness is. People here are genuine. In high school, everyone was labelled as one thing and you were forever known as that one thing. Even if I had gone to university in my home-town I would still be known as that one thing because it would just be the same people around me. Here though, I got a chance to start over. To be someone that I thought I had lost for a long time. To be just me. 

And the people here accepted that without question.

For instance it’s the weekend and a lot of people go home on my floor. Yesterday, there were a few who went home and we all went to say goodbye to them. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought they weren’t ever coming back. Even though they were just going to be gone for a few days, there were hugs all around and “get home safely” wishes. In that moment, I realised just how close I was with these people and just how much they love me even though we’ve only known each other for a few weeks. I never had that feeling in high school.

So the group of us who were left decided to go out to dinner. Along the way, we laughed and chatted and the 2km walk seemed to pass in an instant. We ate and laughed about how long the food took to get to us. We took pictures and watched as one of our friends ate a red hot pepper. Needless to say we had a great time and I smiled through the night. I didn’t realise this thought till my roommate and I were back in our room and I was still smiling like a crazy person.  

Do I miss my home-town? Sure I do. My parents and siblings and family are all back there and I miss them like crazy sometimes. Do I wish that I went to university at my home-town? At first I did because it felt like I was missing out on so much. But then I came here and now I have a new family. One that loves me for me and wants nothing more than for me to have a great time.  

So I guess the motto for today is “Don’t Worry Be Happy”. Because if there’s anything that I learned over these couple of weeks, it’s that we all deserve to be happy. And the way we find that happiness? Just stop looking for it and it’ll come!        





Just a Dream

19 09 2012

What I want right now is to be in New York City, living in the penthouse suite of a 6 star hotel in the middle of Times Square watching the snow fall and the millions of people counting down to the new year. But instead, I’m in a second floor dorm room stressing over a pile of homework higher than the empire state with about 20 other people in the rooms around me making as much noise as humanly possible. And it’s only September in my reality.

Sometimes I think dreams are better than reality because you get to do just about whatever you want in them. Sometimes though, reality is better because you wake up from dreams and you realise that it was just a dream. While as if something good happens in reality, its actually happening.

For me, I like dreaming. Sometimes I dream so much I write things down and pretend they’re real. Sort of like how Stephanie Meyer wrote  the whole Twilight franchise from a single dream she had of that meadow scene. Except I don’t get hundreds of millions of dollars for my dreams. I just get a little voice in my head telling me to stop dreaming because my homework is calling again.

The other night, I did have a really nice dream that I never wanted to wake up from. It’s not the New-York-Times-Square-Penthouse-Suite-New-Years-Eve dream but something better. I was sitting in a log cabin (the really long ones) on a big comfy couch with a blanket over me. I was sipping hot chocolate in front of the fireplace and it was warm. So warm. Maybe it seemed warmer in the cabin because in my dream, there was about 5 feet of snow outside. But it was warm. The kind of warmth you get when you were young and you curled in bed with your parents.

Maybe I miss home. Maybe I’m just stressed. Maybe it’s just been a really long day. But right now I would give anything to be anywhere else but here right now. Even if it is just a dream.





Young Again

12 09 2012

When we were all young, we all had dream jobs. For example, some people wanted to be a pilot. Some wanted to be an astronaut. Others wanted to be a princess, or maybe even king/queen of the world. Whatever it was, we all had a dream and the possibilities were endless because we were young.

As we got older though, those dreams changed. People went from wanting to be a pilot to wanting to be a doctor. Others went from wanting to be a princess to wanting to be a lawyer (or whatever earned the most money). Now, when you ask a university kid what they want to be, the majority of them give you one answer.

I don’t know.

I’m not sure what it is but sometime between puberty and graduation, we stop dreaming about the important things. Like goals and careers and family, and we start dreaming about things like that cute person or what Christmas present we want next. So what happens  in between that makes us change from being dreamers to non-believers?

That’s simple. We grow up.

As we all grow up, we stop dreaming because everyone tells us to. They tell us that dreams don’t put food on the table. That dreams don’t pay for school and that dreams are for children. But isn’t dreaming what got us here in the first place? Dreams of being a princess made us work hard on our writing in kindergarten. Dreams of being a doctor made us work hard in high school. Dreams of changing the world and doing something with our lives made us go to university or college.

As we grew up though, we put our dreams in a little box in the back of our minds and focus on more important things, like social media and friends and getting the best grade but not looking like a geek. When we finally get to university, we realise that it’s really time we can be whatever the hell we want. There are numerous opportunities to make a different or change a life.

But the little box with all our dreams has long been lost. We don’t remember them any more. We don’t remember that we wanted to be a pilot or a lawyer. So what do we?

We say I don’t know, and we make new dreams because we’re young again and the possibilities are endless.





Our Battle

11 09 2012

It’s been a couple of days I know but haven’t you ever had those days where all you wanted was for it to be over with? I know these last couple of days for me has been like that. I’m not quite adjusted to university life yet so everything for me is like a really big dream. to be honest, I woke up one morning and I thought I was in my own bed, in my bedroom back home. When I realised it wasn’t my bed and that I was nowhere near home, in that instant, I wanted to just keep sleeping until I woke up at home.

I know most of the people on my floor miss their parents. I do too. It’d be a lie to say that I didn’t miss them and that I didn’t want to go home every day. But I made myself a promise. On the day that my mom left to go back, I cried on the bus. In that moment, I realised that I was utterly alone in an unfamiliar city. Alone. With no one who I could turn to if I ran into any trouble. But I promised myself that when I got to the stop where I was suppose to get off (which was the stop at the university) that I would stop crying and use the next four months to learn as much as I can and absorb as much as I can.

That’s why even though I’m the farthest from home right now (on my floor that it) I’m probably the strongest person here.

But enough of that.

University is really quite different from high school. The classes are HUGE, the professors each have their own unique style, and it’s only the second day and I’m already up to my eyeballs in homework. I’m still not use to sharing a shower and I haven’t yet figured out the names of all the people I live with yet (I’m working on that!).

But there are also the positives. We had a floor dinner today and looking around, I realised just how close I’ve gotten to some of the people on my floor in a very short amount of time. We eat together, sleep together, share classes, share the bathroom, and we’re like one huge family. Residence is great…except for the fact that there’s no home made food. That part is always the worst.

With that realisation, I also realised that I’m not alone. Those people who I were staring at were going to be my family for the next eight months. They were going to be the people who I could depend on to help me when I need it. They were going to be the ones to listen to my problems, tell me that I can do it, and remember my birthday. We were going to cry together, laugh together, do our homework together, and make some wonderful memories. This wasn’t just my battle any more. This was our battle.

Suddenly, university doesn’t seem so bad.





Just a Random Thought

7 09 2012

 

I was browsing the internet the other day and I came upon this picture. I know I just had to write something about this, not only because I’m a freshman this year but also because I know that this pictures reveals the ugly truth behind freshman year.

I don’t know about anyone else but all that crap we get about getting ourselves out there to meet people is just a big pile of bull. Just saying that putting yourself out there will get you lots of friends isn’t true. People are judgemental. It’s the ugly truth. If you see someone across the room sitting there by themselves, there would be no way that you would go up to them to introduce yourselves and say hi. You’d think that they person is a complete loner/psychopath/weirdo and you’d tell all your friends to look at the person who is sitting there by themselves.

That’s what it’s like right now. I’ve been observing people in the cafeteria for days and there are about a dozen people all the time who are sitting there by themselves. No one to talk to. No one to eat lunch with. And then there are the groups of friends who always sit together and never invite anyone to join them. We’re all freshman. We all need to meet new people and I know there are lots of people who are trying so hard. They put themselves out there over and over again and each time it doesn’t work, they retreat a little back into their shells until at one point, they stop trying altogether.

If we would all just try and include one another, no one in this world would feel left out. If we just remember someone’s name and call them over to sit down and eat breakfast, no one would be sitting alone. If we encouraged them to join in the teams/sports/events (no matter how bad they say they are) everyone would have fun in freshman year.

But we don’t. And not everyone has fun during their freshman year. Not everyone.





6 09 2012

It’s been a couple of days since my last post and honestly…I’m finding that frosh week is actually pretty fun!

It took me a little while to figure out what FROSH week was but apparently it’s the week where the first-year university students spend every night partying….or at least that’s what we’re doing at my university.

I’m not usually a party person so I only attended a few of the night events but I like the day-time events and it’s actually a great way to meet the people who I’m going to be going to class with. It took me a little while to get out of my shy girl shell. Once I did put myself out there though, the people on my floor became some of the nicest and most incredible people I’ve ever met.

I still have those moments though…the ones where I wish I was home and my parents were making dinner in the kitchen upstairs. I think it’s just that familiar feeling that I miss. To be honest, I think about the “what if” a lot. What if I had gotten into the university close to my home? What if I didn’t have to move half-way across the country for school and leave my entire family behind? What if? What if?

But I know it’s no use. The “what if” question is like an unsolvable puzzle. It’s called unsolvable for a reason because there is no ending. It’s the same with a “what if” question. No matter how much you think about it, it’s still going to be a “what if”. There’s no way you can go back in time and make different decisions just to see what would happen. Then maybe you would want yet another different scenario and the “what ifs” would start all over again. It’s a never ending cycle.

For me right now, the most important thing is to accept the decisions that I’ve made and go along with whatever happens. If it happens, it happens right? Enough with thinking about the past because it’s time to embrace the present and hope for the best possible future.

Besides, I think I’ve made a great choice in universities 🙂

Thanks for listening to my endless ramblings





Roller Coaster

5 09 2012

Image

It’s been a crazy roller coaster ride of a couple of days. The residence I’m staying in at my university is absolutely beautiful! It’s got these crazy skinny squirrels and a couple of animals that I haven’t been able to identify yet. I’m sitting in the air-conditioned cafeteria right now by the window and I’m looking around at the people who I’m going to be living with and eating with for the next eight months. It’s incredible actually. There are so many people here it feels like you’re in a different school every day!

University life is quite the change from high school life for me. Back in my home town, I had my parents, my siblings, and my whole family supporting me. Here, I have to support myself and it already feels like I’ve been away from home for a month. The freedom is incredible, but along with it come the loneliness of being absolutely and completely by yourself. Sure you have other people around you but not even your best friend compares to those who are related by blood and genetically programmed to love you.

I haven’t had a room mate since…well…for a long time. And it is actually really cool! There’s someone at night that I can talk to, someone who I can get breakfast with and who will listen to my endless ramblings about my home town. I have actually been emailing her since the beginning of the summer so by the time I got here, I knew a lot about her already. Her parents even invited me over for Thanksgiving (since she doesn’t live too far from the school). She’s super nice and I think I’ll call her Candy. Because she’s nice and sweet like candy.

Oh…and an update on Brad and Abby (If you haven’t noticed already, I’m just going by the alphabet for the names of the people in my life. It’s not their actual names because I’m not going to ever use their real names in case any of them decide to read this).

Brad and Abby are dating (unofficially) now. He asked her out, she said yes, they went out and had a great time, and he told her he really like her and had started to like her since they started to work together. That’s the just of it anyways. I got more details (which I really REALLY didn’t need). I didn’t have the heart to tell Abby (who is still my best friend in the whole entire world) that I really liked Brad and had hoped he would ask me out. If I had told Abby, she would’ve never dated him and we would be three miserable people instead of one. So I will take this secret with me to the grave and offer to plan their wedding (which I actually did).

Anyways Brad is just a guy. Sure he was cute and smart and we really connected but I’m sure that out of the thousands of first-year students here at my university, I’ll find one who will be better than him. Looking around right now, I already see a few 😉